I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize