he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize