I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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