dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
