No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize