You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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