Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
