I'm jealous of your bromance
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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