woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pants are for mortals
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
