R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
