found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize