I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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