I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My dick has a subreddit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
