what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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