they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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