My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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