tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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