Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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