True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
