Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
