you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is Oprah even human
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
