I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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