This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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