fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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