just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Still dying that you shit outside
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
