Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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