That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
