I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize