it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
