I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
