I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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