She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i love accidental penises.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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