you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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