actually, I'm a sock model
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
