Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
