This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
