new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
