Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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