So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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