I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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