once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
