just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize