A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
