dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize