Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i think im in europe. pls send help
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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