We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was confusing and full of hummus
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
