Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
