Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
