people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
