Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
