Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
