Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Will exercising make me less horny?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
