I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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