3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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