I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
