i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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