Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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