So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Houston, we have a squirter
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
