Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
