yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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