I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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