worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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