I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
